Play out different sex scenarios in your mind a lot? That’s nothing out of the ordinary-we are after all sexual beings.
“It’s believed that our sexual responses are imprinted in us at an early age,” says Dr Martha Tara Lee, a clinical sexologist at Eros Coaching.
“They happen randomly during certain critical periods in our psycho-sexual development, and certain images, stories and sexual responses will become our ‘sex scripts’ or what turn us on. It’s also believed that these sexual fantasies remain with us for the rest of our lives.”
But while it’s healthy to have these sort of, there could be a host of problems if we act out fantasies that are potentially damaging.
“Sexual fantasies can fuel our erotic lives. However, they can become worrisome if we act out on [the destructive ones], like if we cheat on a partner or engage in harmful sexual behaviour,” says Dr Lee.
“And if we get caught up in extreme fantasies, we can experience obsessive thinking, which can in turn be mentally exhausting.”
Curious about the sexual fantasies us women have that are totally normal in her book? Scroll the gallery to find out what they are. That said, just because it’s normal to have them doesn’t mean that it’s a good idea to bring all of them to life-some of them are better left to the imagination.
And if you want to bring the harmless fantasies to your partner’s attention, check out this step-by-step guide on how you can do it right. You’re welcome.
1. ORAL SEX
“Both giving and receiving head came up as a top sexual fantasy in one study. I can see why—many couples I know aren’t comfortable with oral sex and don’t do much of it. And because we want what we don’t have, this is understandably a fantasy we’d have. Most people I know view giving oral sex as an act of submission. However, you can choose to see giving oral sex as an act of dominance—taking what’s yours or controlling the pleasure of another.”
2. SEX IN PUBLIC
“It’s common to get a thrill from sex in public or semi-public places such as dark alleys, public bathrooms and movie theaters. The thrill is from getting caught and doing what is forbidden and illegal. Since this is a risky act, it’s better left a fantasy.”
3. SEX IN AN UNUSUAL SPOT
“You may fantasise about having sex at places such as hotel rooms or kitchen counters. Having sex at these spots can spice up the sex acts you always find yourself doing. These fantasies can be easy to fulfill and you should discuss them with your partner to make them a reality.”
“Pegging is a practice where a woman performs anal sex on a man using a strap-on. This fantasy is usually a result of a desire to dominate over your partner for a change. While it isn’t for everyone, if it’s something that turns you on, it might be something worth discussing.”
ALSO READ: Top 8 sex questions answered
6. BEING DOMINATED
“One study found 65 percent of women crave being dominated. This can mean different things to different people and doesn’t necessarily involve pain—it can range from being touched with a blindfold on to being held down by the wrists. It is the surrender of control and power and being ‘relished’ that you may find very sexy.”
This article was first published in CLEO Singapore.