“I come to you tonight a broken man,” Stephen Colbert began. “Because just this afternoon I was shocked by this breaking nooch. The front-stabber has been back-stabbed. He said he was going to fire everybody, and I’ve got to admit, he delivered.”
“The Mooch lasted as communications director for only 10 days,” Colbert said. “Ten. That’s not even a whole pay period. His going-away party can serve what’s left of his welcome cake.”
Colbert continued: “Here’s how it went down. On Friday, Donald Trump hired new White House chief of staff and grandpa-who-doesn’t-do-hugs, Gen John Kelly. Kelly is replacing former chief of staff Reince Priebus. Kelly is the polar opposite of Reince Priebus. Kelly’s military, Priebus is a Washington insider. Kelly’s from Boston, Priebus is from Wisconsin. John Kelly has two first names. Reince Priebus has no recognizable names at all. And according to White House sources, Kelly let the Mooch go because he wanted ‘more structure, less of Game of Thrones’”.
“That’s not a fair comparison,” Colbert joked. “With Game of Thrones, you have to wait a whole week for a new beheading.”
Colbert went on to show Trump’s tweet from Monday morning, in which he stated there was “no WH chaos.”
“Six hours later, Scaramucci is out,” Colbert quipped. “I feel bad for the Mooch, because his job was everything to him. Saturday, news broke that his wife filed for divorce while nine months pregnant, and that Scaramucci missed his son’s birth to be with the president.”
“I’ve been a huge fan of the Mooch for over a week now,” he concluded, before a mock in memoriam, “but now I guess it’s time to say goodbye.”
Comedy Central’s Trevor Noah also offered commentary on Scaramucci, who in his short tenure became popular fodder for comics and politicos.
“Scaramucci out?” he began. “But he just got here! I just bought the Scaramucci 2017 jersey. I haven’t even finished my Scaramucci tattoo. By the way, did you know that technically Scaramucci’s job hadn’t even started yet. His official start date as communications director is 15 August. The guy got fired before the job began.”
“People are getting fired so quickly that the White House ghost has no idea who to haunt,” Noah continued. “Even for a White House suffering from severe retention deficit disorder, Scaramucci’s exit was jaw-droppingly quick.”
Noah then explained what’s largely assumed to have precipitated Scaramucci’s firing: Trump bringing in John Kelly as chief of staff.
The host continued: “This is not the dumbest thing the president could have done. In a way, it’s like Trump is sending himself to boarding school. And if you don’t know General Kelly, he was in the marines for 45 years. He commanded forces during the invasion of Iraq. Basically, what I’m saying is, I don’t know if he’s ready for this.”
“But credit where credit is due,” Noah said. “By immediately firing Scaramucci, General Kelly has shown that unlike many people in the Trump administration, he is at least capable of the obvious. Because Scaramucci had to go. One week into the job, and the guy already had four scandals.”
“But why do they keep bringing in new people as if we don’t all know what the real problem is?” Noah asked. “It’s like Donald Trump is a tornado and the White House keeps hiring new maids. ‘Why isn’t this place ever clean?’”
Seth Meyers of NBC also chronicled the latest from an administration in turmoil, focusing on the firing of Priebus, just three days before that of Scaramucci.
“He may have been quieter than most other Trump acolytes, but Reince Priebus was one of the president’s most loyal supporters,” Meyers began. “He played a pivotal role keeping mainstream Republicans in line where most of the GOP was trying to rebel against Trump after he won the nomination. As you may recall, he lavished Trump with praised during his super-creepy cabinet meeting last month.”
Meyers then went on to detail the story of Priebus’ firing, which reportedly was executed in a rather draconian manner.
“What really happened is on Friday, Priebus deplaned from Air Force One and got in an SUV with other staffers,” Meyers explained. “While he was in the SUV, Trump tweeted that he had named a new chief of staff. According to Politico, other aides riding with him hopped into a different car once the tweet posted. His SUV separated from the motorcade and went on a rainy ride through Washington alone.”
As Meyers detailed, Priebus’ tenure was defined by widespread mockery, from both his boss and his cohorts.
“Priebus was so servile that even trivial and demeaning tasks were delegated to him,” the host said, referring to a report that the former RNC chairman was asked to kill a fly buzzing around the Oval Office. “Wow. You know your status is diminished when you could be replaced by a strip of sticky paper.”
Meyers continued: “Despite all the abuse and all the rumors, for months Priebus survived the constant gossip about his rocky tenure and his impending firing. That is until Trump hired his new communications director, Anthony Scaramucci. Scaramucci – 114lbs of Alfredo sauce, hair gel and rage – tore into a Priebus in a profanity-laden tirade last week,” the host said, speaking of Scaramucci’s now infamous interview with the New Yorker’s Ryan Lizza in which he called Priebus a “fucking paranoiac.”
“Scaramucci had not limited his attacks on Priebus to public interviews,” Meyers went on. “He also trashed him in private. According to the Daily Beast, two sources who had known Scaramucci for years say that he has privately called Priebus ‘Reince Penis.’ So it’s official: the White House is a middle-school cafeteria.”